dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
