THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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