We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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