I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
