Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
