I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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