Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
