It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
