Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
