He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
