highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
