Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
