Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
