mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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