Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
