Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
