All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
