i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
