she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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