Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
