You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
