Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
