I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
