I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
