I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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