just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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