All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
