I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
