Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
