I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
