Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
