I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
