According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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