He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
