also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
