after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
