OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
