Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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