I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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