PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
