A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
