She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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