Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
