i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
