Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
