her vagine was all disorganized.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
