My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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