Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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