I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
