i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
