just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
