The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
