I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
