Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
