If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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